I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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