Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
