just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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