Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Come on in and take your pants off
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
