I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
