I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
