not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
