the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When did angry sex become our thing?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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