god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
