Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
