; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
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She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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