I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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