I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.