guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.