I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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