I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
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Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy