Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.