She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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