We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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