When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
