you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
