So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
