Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
