Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
pop tarts are not kleenex
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
