Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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