I haven't been this sober since birth.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
