How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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