My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
