I should be sponsored by Trojan
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
