that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
