she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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