I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My ass is underappreciated
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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