we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
