I wanna bring you to show and tell
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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