didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
