don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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