Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're not piercing ourselves today.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
