My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
