if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
