He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Your dad touched me again.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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