If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
