He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
