I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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