dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
