He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
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I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
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He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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