He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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