You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
