Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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