guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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