we're blogging at a bar
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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