I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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