i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
