i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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