Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
