my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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