My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
