shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
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My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
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I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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