elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
