yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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