Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
