FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
