Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
