do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You pole danced in your parka.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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