why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
