I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
