My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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