We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
