worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
