Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
