It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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