I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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