i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
