she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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