just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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