Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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