i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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