As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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