Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
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No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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